Copywriting Analysis & Optimization of leonorlemee.com
Gravy For The Brain (GFTB) is a voiceover education platform and community with on-going support from industry professionals. In the last ten days, I analyzed their mobile website on the iPhone X and optimized it.
If you don’t want to read it, here’s the screenshot of the original page and here’s my complete revision of their copy and design. Also, make sure you click here to check the archive with past episodes.
I’m part of the GFTB community but during the analysis, I imagined to be (fictitious) Rick who doesn’t the company but is interested in voiceover.
Here’s the original „above the fold“ section, my revised version, and my thought process while I optimized it.
Before — The original „above the fold“ section
The original „above the fold“ section - click to enlarge and for more details
How I optimized the „above the fold“ section
I applied the basic 3+1 formula for minimum viable websites:
Killer headline
Bullets with benefits
Sales video + Call-to-action button
If too many websites use a similar claim, the market starts to ignore it. To prevent that, I enlarged the headline based on Eugene Schwartz’s „Second Stage of Sophistication“ from…
Become A Better Voiceover Artist
…to…
Join 42,203 Talents to Become a Better Voiceover Artist
Then I added five bullets that explain why GFTB is the right choice. I didn’t choose four or six points because of the „Rule of Odds“. [1]
The call-to-action is closing the sale, and it’s not detached from the storyline. Instead of…
Join Gravy For The Brain Now
…I wrote…
Click Here To Join Us
The story began with „42,203 Talents“, evolved with the bullet points, it ended with the ask to join them.
But there’s no story from „Become a Better Voiceover Artist“ to „Join Gravy For The Brain Now“. They don’t connect.
Now there is. Beginning, middle, end. Easy.
I broke the 3+1 formula a little because the call-to-action button was followed by the video. That’s ok in this case because it’s not exactly a sales video but more of an overview of how a month at GFTB looks like.
You can still consider the video a sales extension or „tail sale“ because I surrounded it with copy that frames the video and integrates into the sales story.
After — My revised „above the fold“ section
The revised „above the fold“ section - click to enlarge and for more details
Did Rick sign up for Gravy For The Brain?
It depends.
The content is great. Good testimonials, interesting teasers of their courses, and a lot of stuff packed into the membership.
Leaving aside the discount that mobile visitors don’t see, it would be 49 EUR a month (~600 EUR/year). But considering that Gravy provides on-going support from industry professionals, regular webinars, and updated knowledge, it’s worth it.
However, Rick is still new to the voiceover world. He would not sign up right away. But, if Gravy provided a 30-day free trial or a money-back guarantee, he would change his mind. A community like Gravy For The Brain needs to be experienced to understand its value.
So, will you (Gravy For The Brain) offer a 30-day trial period for Rick?
Support
During the last ten days, I spent 36+ hours with the website. I analyzed, edited, re-designing, and optimized. This became overwhelming at some point and I anticipated that. So, I originally made a deal with myself that I will always stick to these basic questions:
What is the product?
How does it work?
Why should you buy it?
However, if you enjoyed the analysis, you can also help me be less stressed if you join my email list or become a supporter. I’d appreciate that.
Bonus: Supporters get access to the in-depth analysis and the complete archive.
Which website would you like me to analyze and optimize for you next?
Leave a comment below or send me an email to copywritingexamples@naii.io. Keep in mind that the website needs to be about voiceover professionals, voiceover service providers (hardware, software, education) or voiceover-related. And yes, if you’re a voiceover artist yourself, you can submit your own website :)
What else you could do
Subscribe to my private email list. Unlike Copywriting Examples, I’m getting more personal and I share special offers with you from friends, other creatives and people I like. The coolest gift I gave away so far was a 1-year-subscription for Masterclass.com (worth 200 EUR). And yeah, my reader was happy!!
Send this case study to a fellow voiceover professional. This might help them to improve their own sales copy.
And (obviously)…
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If you liked the case study, here’s what you can copy-paste on LinkedIn, Twitter, Mastodon, or Zuck’s verse…
This guy is nuts. He spent 40 hours nerding out about one website and compressed it down to 2 minutes. Read his in-depth copywriting analysis of Gravy For The Brain or listen to his ahs & ohms on the Copywriting Examples podcast https://copywritingexamples.com/gravyforthebrain/
Footnotes
ZURB: Rule Of Odds
Permalink: copywritingexamples.com/gravyforthebrain
Analyzing Gravy For The Brain’s mobile website